Dealing with loss in Centering

Hi Linzi, in case it is helpful, below is a story that a Navy midwife shared with us.  She is now at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Maryland, still leading Centering groups.


I want to share a nice experience with all of you about a recent postpartum

Centering reunion that I facilitated.



One of my Centering patients recently experienced an IUFD at term. I was on

duty when she was admitted, and I delivered her baby. I saw her for a 1:1

postpartum visit since I thought she might not want to attend the Reunion

due to her circumstance. She had symptoms of severe postpartum depression

at her visit. She has no family in the area, and only a few friends. I

arranged for all the necessary follow-up for her, but since our reunion was

later that same day, I made sure she knew that she was very welcome to

attend if she thought it might help her. Acknowledging that it would be

extremely difficult for her to listen to the birth stories of the other

Centering patients, I really did not expect her to attend.



To my pleasant surprise, she showed up thirty minutes into the reunion, just

as we were starting to share birth stories. There was an awkward silence at

first, as she sat in the circle and began sobbing. We then continued with

our sharing while she listened and cried silently. After everyone had

shared their birth story, I let her know that if she felt like telling her

story with us, we were all here to listen. She did not speak at first, and

I thought perhaps I had made a mistake by asking her to share, but she then

softly spoke, "I guess I can tell my story..." She then related to us all

the details of her experience. She spoke about how 'beautiful and perfect'

her daughter was at birth, and how she treasured the moments that she was

able to hold her. Even the grandparents were able to make it to San Diego

and hold their grandchild.



When she finished her story, each of the Centering women got up one by one,

came over, and gave her a big hug. We then exchanged contact information

like we always do at a Centering reunion, and I heard many of the women

reaching out to her with an intention to stay in touch. The patient told me

that she was glad she came, and that she felt a little bit better.



This story epitomizes the purpose of Centering to provide a support group to

our young sailors who may be socially isolated.



Thank you for your continued support of Centering.



Very Respectfully,


LCDR Sara Shaffer

Certified Nurse Midwife

Centering Pregnancy Coordinator

Naval Medical Center San Diego

Yes, please do! 

I wanted to share these links below, as I had to do some research of my own for my group tonight. We were meeting for the first time since one of our members has a full term loss about 10 days ago. The mother who lost her baby was not ready to come back to group, but the midwife and I have been communicating with her. She gave us permission to share some of her story with the group. In fact, she wanted the group to know about the passing of her daughter. She wanted her daughter's life to be acknowledged.

I had already reached out individually to the group members to share the news. It still felt very difficult to have this conversation. One person opted not to come because she felt it would be too vulnerable for her in her 40th week. My intention was to take care of the group's needs for answers and reassurance, while also knowing that this is a difficult, uncomfortable topic for most people, let alone when you are pregnant with your own baby. We brought up the topic, a few members shared their thoughts and experience processing. One person was brave enough to ask what happened? (How can I prevent this from happening to my baby?) It was challenging, but the beauty of having this group already become so close was that they were willing to be there for this family. 


How to give support (for family and friends) 
www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/baby-loss/stillbirth/family-and-friends---how-give-support-after-stillbirth

From the MISS foundation, A guide to offering support to a bereaved family of infant loss

earthmamaorganics.com/what-do-i-say/

Thank you to everyone who has responded to Linzi's question.  While working at Clinica Family Health, two of the Mom's in separate pregnancy groups I was co-facilitating had fetal demises.  In both groups we offered these parents several options: whether they would like to come back and share their loss with the group, have us share their loss with the group or not share anything.  Both sets of parents wanted their group to know about the loss, one opted for us to tell the group and also let us know what she wanted shared, and the other returned to the group (some still pregnant, some with infants) to share their loss and have that critical group support.  Both sets of parents were followed postpartum closely in the clinic, but I was amazed at the group support and cuddling that happened for both.  The couple who didn't want to come and tell everyone was willing to get calls or letters and the group responded with support that surprised and was welcomed by this couple who didn't feel so isolated after the fact.  Newborn loss resources were connected with both families which was so important as it was a connection with other families who had also experienced losses and then supported by community groups.  
As the Circle Up manager, I think this is stimulating a need for a webinar in the fall about how to manage these loss situations, whether they are miscarriages early on in groups or fetal demises later.  Please let me know if you have a connection at your site with someone who you think would be willing to share their expertise in this area on a Circle Up.